


2:00AM

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Han Jisung | Han is a Sweetheart, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Sad Minho, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Triggers, Vomiting, i'm so sorry minho, jisung can't sleep, minho is struggling, read with caution, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 08:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19459891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he hesitates and struggles to look up at the squirrel-like boy, and when he does he wants to break down yet again. worry paints the younger's face and minho hates that, hates that he’s the cause of the crease between his eyebrows, the wrinkles on his forehead. “jisung, you should go to sleep.” minho croaks, a final attempt to shoo the boy away.“and leave you like this?” the younger responded. and that’s when minho fully snaps.because minho never thought that there would be someone who wouldn’t leave him like that.he hysterically sobs into jisung’s shoulder and his whole body is shaking and jolting about. “jisung,” he starts, hiccuping and gasping between sobs. “i can’t fucking take it anymore.”





	2:00AM

“IF YOU DON’T HURRY YOUR ASSES HERE THE TTEOKBOKKI WILL GET COLD!”

seven sets of running feet head towards the dining room at the statement, finding themselves face to face with the two cooks of the day, their favourite hyungs (at least at the moment): chan and woojin. a table full of tteokbokki, 오이무침, and rice greets their eager faces and everyone rushes to find a seat.

jisung situates himself in between felix and jeongin, poking at the maknae on his left and winking at the aussie on his right. thanking chan and woojin for the food, he digs straight in with his metal chopsticks. practice ran late and it tired everyone out; all of the boys are starving. no words are exchanged, apart from a few “slow down you’ll choke”s and “i’m so hungry i might die”s. slurping and chewing sounds fill the room, and when jisung takes his first bite he nearly moans at the combination of spicy tteok and warm rice.

the late meal is finished quickly and everyone disperses, each boy going off to start their own nightly routine. the clock is nearing 1AM, and jisung is oh so ready to jump into bed. sleeping after a long practice was the best, with fatigue pulling you into a land of dreams and contentedness. one thing though; jisung needs to shower. there is an unconfirmed agreeing on the order of showering in the dorm:

  1. seungmin
  2. jeongin
  3. woojin
  4. felix
  5. minho
  6. hyunjin
  7. chan
  8. jisung
  9. changbin



with jisung being near last, he has the time to run through his skincare routine as the members are in the shower. by the time he finishes double-cleansing and applying toner, chan is usually done with his showering (the man doesn’t use conditioner, which is a shame considering the state that his hair is in). stepping into the shower and closing the glass door, he turns the temperature up a few degrees and allows the hot water to run over him. he has to search the shelves for his shampoo (hey, there are nine boys in the same dorm with extremely different scent preferences) and finally finds the strawberry scented one. 

massaging his scalp, he realizes that the clock read 1:26 when he first entered the shower. his eyes widen and he speeds through the rest of his routine, barely making it out of the bathroom (with a towel on, of course) before changbin started raging. lucky for him, he had opened the door just as changbin was about to start pounding on it, coming face to face with a raised fist and an open mouth. the short rapper’s knocking surely would’ve woken everyone up, even without him yelling.

  


jisung places his practice clothes into the dirty laundry hamper and makes his way to his room. jeongin is fast asleep as he changes into his boxers and tosses an XL shirt on. climbing into bed, he crawls under his comforter and sighs at the warmth. he shuts his eyes and attempts to drift off to sleep.

usually, the fatigue of practice and jeongin’s steady breathing lulls him to dreamland, but today he can’t seem to doze off. after an eternity of tossing and turning, jisung pulls the covers away and shuffles into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

  


as his feet pad back to his room, he stops walking down the hall when he hears gagging noises in the bathroom. stopping and staring at the crack of light peeking through the bottom of the door, he tilts his head as the noises become louder. realization slowly peeks into his brain until he makes a face of pure _disgust_. 

_why the fuck would anyone do_ that _? it’s literally 2AM._ jisung thinks. sure, they were all hormonal teenage boys, but was it really necessary for the members to be sucking each other off at ass o’clock in the morning? 

jisung nearly walks away in disgust until a retching sound stops him. he backtracks to the bathroom door again and waits, hearing heaving sounds and suppressed sobs. he then realizes that this is definitely not the sound of a late night hook-up. he slowly twists the knob and pushes the door open. the doorknob hits the wall with force and makes a banging sound, startling the person and the intruder himself.

  


it was minho. but this wasn’t the minho jisung knew. the minho that jisung knew was the minho that bragged about his cats, the minho that made weird noises and laughed at everything. this minho is leaning over the toilet, form disheveled.

when jisung makes eye contact with him, the older boy’s eyes are open wide. tear tracks stain his face and his lips are covered in saliva. there are hints of red in the whites of his eyes, and his whole face is flushed. he has two fingers stuck halfway down his throat and a bit of vomit on the corner of his lips.

jisung’s hand comes up to his face in shock as his eyebrows crease and his eyes turn down, finally comprehending his hyung’s actions. tears are close to falling as the boy rushes to minho and immediately pulls the fingers out of the older’s throat. the taller boy sits there in silence and terror as jisung looks over him once, twice, three times.

  


the younger boy finally finds his voice. “h-hyung,” his voice cracks. “why?” it sounds like his voice is breaking, and minho does not like that. at all. he wipes his fingers on his sweatpants and quickly flushes the toilet. he gets up to rinse his hands and returns to jisung, who’s still crouched down, staring at the floor. “it’s nothing sungie,” he starts. the boy looks up at him with tear stained eyes. “lee minho. don’t look at me and tell me that was fucking nothing.”

minho sighs. “don’t worry about it, jisung. my stomach was bothering me a bit and i felt like i needed to throw up.”

“really, hyung? oh, so when your stomach is upset you _force_ yourself to throw up in order to feel better, even if you’re crying and whimpering and dry-heaving?” he says, voice breaking between syllables. “it’s fine, ji. it’s really no big deal.”

jisung looks at minho for a bit longer and watches as his expressions turns from a reassuring one to an unstable, wobbly one and finally melts into a broken one. the taller man turns away. “it’s really fi-” 

his breath hitches and a whimper slips past his throat, followed by a strained sob. he bites his lip in an attempt to block out the crying. jisung watches as minho silently shakes for a bit before turning to the younger, their eyes meeting. an unrestrained cry crawls out of his mouth as he completely breaks down and collapses to the floor. he wraps his arms around his torso and folds himself onto his legs, which are tucked underneath his body. jisung looks at his hyung, who’s curled up into a ball and heaving and wheezing and sobbing and

and his heart breaks. 

  


he can feel the sting on the left of his chest as he watches his hyung, his confident beautiful hyung, completely lose it in front of him. he gasps and rasps and pants and coughs, hysterical and oh so broken. jisung stares hopelessly for a while before brushing his hand against the balled-up boy’s shoulders.

he hesitates and struggles to look up at the squirrel-like boy, and when he does he wants to break down yet again. worry paints his dongsaeng’s face and minho hates that, hates that he’s the cause of the crease between his eyebrows, the wrinkles on his forehead. “jisung, you should go to sleep.” minho croaks, a final attempt to shoo the boy away.

“and leave you like this?” the younger responded. and that’s when minho fully snaps.

because minho never thought that there would be someone who wouldn’t leave him like that. 

because he thought they all wouldn't care.

  


he hysterically sobs into jisung’s shoulder and his whole body is shaking and jolting about. “jisung,” he starts, hiccuping and gasping between sobs. “i can’t fucking take it anymore.” 

minho claws at his forearms, red marks appearing on his skin.

the younger gently pulls his nails off of his arms, patting his back as a sign to continue talking.

“i can’t do this. i wake up every morning and look at my body and i _hate it_ , hate it so fucking much. i can’t eat without wanting to slap myself and it all comes down to me throwing up in the middle of the night. i go through this toxic cycle over and over again, sungie, and i’m so _tired of it_ . i’m tired of _myself_. why can’t i be perfect like the rest of the team? why am i me? i don’t want to do this anymore jisung. sometimes it’s to the point where i want to fucking kill myse-”

“hyung. minho hyung,” jisung says. “let’s clean up and we’ll sleep in my room tonight, okay? we can talk more in there.”

a silent nod of agreement, followed by another hiccup. jisung slowly helps minho up and takes him to the bathroom counter. minho watches, somber, as the boy pours him a cup of mouthwash. he takes it and rinses, gladly ridding himself of the post vomit taste in his mouth. jisung pats his face with a cold towel, and minho melts into it, putty in jisung’s hands. he straightens himself up and looks into the mirror, almost having another breakdown because of it.

his eyes are puffy, his face is swollen, his hair dishevelled, and his lips are nearly bleeding from him biting them.

  


as jisung finishes everything up, he places the cool towel on minho’s lips and applies balm, soothing the bruises and swelling. he slips his hand into the other’s and slowly walks into his room. minho takes one look at jeongin’s sleeping form and turns to jisung with pleading eyes.

“can we please talk tomorrow morning? i’m tired and i don’t want to disturb jeongin.”

jisung sighs. “of course hyung.”

they both make their way to the twin sized bed, and jisung hugs minho from behind. the older, pleased at the warmth, cuddles into the hug. as minho slowly falls asleep, jisung decides that even though his hyung was struggling, even though some things were still unsolved, 

  
  
  


everything would eventually be okay.

  


**Author's Note:**

> hi sorry i forced this out of my keyboard at 5 in the morning  
> this was a vent fic because i've been in a not very spectacular state recently and i'm! so! sorry! for! this!  
> hdkjshdks this was really bad ouch  
> anyways, comments and kudos (and comments and comments because idk how to feel about this) are appreciated !  
> if any of you feel what minho feels, even if it's just a tiny bit, please know that you're beautiful and you don't have to change anything about yourself  
> thanks for making it to the end!  
> <3


End file.
